What makes you happy?
What make you happy? What would you not want to live without?
For the past four years I was a big advocate for people to have multiple dreams. I ran myself into the ground training for pole vault and completing my bachelors of science in nursing, but I did it. I literally won my outdoor national championship and walked across the stage in graduation within a 24 hour period. I did 12 hour shifts at the Children’s Hospital and trained six days a week. I thought I was able to do it all. Then the real world came and slapped me in the face.
For the past five months I have been sick six times, worked 30-45 hour weeks, joggled relationships, living on my own, while trying to train full time. Then I broke. I have been depressed and unmotivated. I know that I am in good company with over 50% of Americans stating they are depressed as well. Don’t get me wrong I am so thankful for everything I have and I would rather have too much to do than nothing at all, but I haven’t been happy. This has affected not just my training but my whole life.
The Summit in Reno and US Indoor Nationals was an awakening for me. I am the happiest when I am on a runway with a pole in my hand! (Don’t make that dirty). I love pole vault. I love training. I love who I am when I am a vaulter. Watching other professional vaulters and getting to talk with them showed me that I have to be 100% dedicated if I want to be great as I know I am capable of being.
As much as I love nursing, I know that it will always be there, but pole vault won’t. I have 10 years max if my body holds up, more realistically 8, and only 3 until the next Olympics. I have to make my decision now and then run as fast as I can towards my dreams!
Why work so you can pay to live and go on to work some more. I don’t need fancy things, a big home, and a nice car. I live in a rundown shack right now! If pole vault is what I love and want to do, what is stopping me? Fear.
I am afraid to go against people’s expectations of me. "Why did you spend all that money on a degree if you are just going to through it away?” “ You need to be able to take care of yourself!” “You are going to have so much debt!” “What if you don’t make it, then what?” I just want to scream when people say things like that! Why do you think there are so many young people who give up their passions for art, music, and sports? Because Americans are too obsessed with making money! I can tell you right now that no one ever said “I’m going to be a professional pole vaulter so I can be rich!”
I am motivated and determined. My plan right now is to put in my notice in at work (check), look into elite coaches (check), and pole vault full time! I know I’m going to need a lot of help and support along the way. Vault is an individual sport, but it takes a team to get someone to the elite level. If you are reading this, thank you! I couldn’t have come this far without you! Yes I know it takes money to vault, but I am now going to look for jobs that fit around training, not fitting training in where I can. I am going to fund raise, even though I hate doing it. There is no shame in asking for help. Most of all I am going to slow down. I am going to enjoy my life and enjoy the beautiful journey I have in front of me!